Episodes

Smarty Pants Lance takes turbulent flights of comedy fancy when he talks about the airlines. From a true story involving outrageously stupid airport security who try to prevent an FAA flight inspector from boarding, to another true story featuring those stupid, stupid, stupid- not enough stupids?- security folk, to gaining altitude with the lovely "pleasures of flight, and finally making a perfect landing on your funny bone. Where's Dean Martin, George Kennedy, Burt Lancaster and Jacqueline Bis...

Taking flights of turbulent comedy fancy.

Smarty Lance has a BMW for Sale. It has a broken sunroof which must never, ever, ever, ever, be opened. A succession of flakey and highly annoying perspective buyers come and go, then, The Law of Attraction, abracadabra's the right buyer, at the right time. Despite Lance's clear warning, she searches out a mechanic brave enough to attempt to repair the never-to-be-opened-sunroof. Unexpected romance, ensues. Later, Lance thinks about selling, in general, including garage sales, tag sales, swap m...

Law of Attraction Abracadabras Stuck Sun Roof Into Romance

Lance goes on a semi-rant about doctors, chiropractors, dentists, and veterinarians. Yes, chiropractors, are doctors, but like veterinarians, they usually go by their first names- Hi, I'm Dr. Bob"- whereas, stuck-up, pretentious, pedantic, full of themselves, ego manic, MD's go by their surnames- "I'm, Ima Midelfart." From, can-you-see-lightning-and-hear-thunder-physicals to government health care- Medi-Cal's popular slogan, "Medi-Cal. Poor people; poor medicine!" Lance rants about lack of healt...

It's like health care-- only different!

Lance works a summer job at a radio station inside the dilapidated American Tin Can Factory on Cannery Row. The location included piles of old tin cans, a disgusting bathroom, and a very large daylight work room- which fell dark at night Becaus the owner of the station never trusted anyone with a key, one early morning Lance got locked out. Is Lance's story a key to humor?. If you can relate to - a, we'll-all-laugh-about-later story, about being locked out- and who couldn't- this is a lock!

Humor is a lock!

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences with dating apps. Smartphone apps lure you in with profiles of lonely supermodels with PhD's, who speak 10 languages, and lived in thirty nine countries, who don't care about another's looks or money because they just want to do acts of service, and love, and be loved forever! They're Dr. Supermodel and they're available to you right now! While he awaits replies from his supermodel matches Lance asks himself is all fair in love and dating ...

Are the dateless and desperate "app" to meet Dr. Supermodel via a smartphone dating app?

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences in college. Living with a dormmate obsessed with Diana Ross and brushing his long hair, to the Campus Crusade for Christ, to skipping class to play Dungeons and Dragons all day and all night, to college sports, gross bong water, to legendary drinking contests, to lovely co-eds, and practical jokes, college offered a fun, four year vacation from reality. Roll the multi-sided "Dungeon and Dragons," dice, and see if the burden of all that debt...

College: A four year vacation from reality.

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes differences between dog and cat owners. Pardon, "guardians." But not of the Galaxy, just pets. A doofus interrupts asking about lizard people. Lance via celebrity impression, defers to senior investigative reporter for Dateline NBC, Josh Mankiewicz for a comment. Lance wryly observes not only do people look and act like their pets but their personalities and appearances vary depending if they favor a cat or a dog. For example: dog people are extraverts who...

Dogs, cats, and their crazy owners. Excuse me, "pet guardians," of which I'm one!

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences as a background artist/extra in the movies, on television, and in music videos. From long, uncompensated hours, to pay which is far less than a pimply-faced teen working fast-food to a-hole production assistants and assistant directors, to no respect from any other members of the cast and crew, working as an extra or "background artist," sucks! References include, but are not limited to- Who write this? A lawyer?- Paramount Studios, Hollywo...

Don't answer the phone when Hollywood calls to book you as a non-union Extra in movies, on TV and in music videos!

Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, of politics, sports, and religion? Smarty Pants Lance is for people who know laughter is the best medicine! In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance a long-time lawyer- hold the applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday and not so everyday, topics. Topics include, but are not limited to- such a lawyer way of saying that!- Dog versus cat people, cheapskates, styles, the doctor, college days, dating apps, work...

Forget the blah, blah, blah and have a laugh. Because laughter is the best medicine!